Bah Hum Bug

     Ready or not…the holidays are upon us.  thanksgiving is over a week away and yet the stores have exploded with Christmas for weeks already.  The idealistic holiday is full of happiness and family gatherings full of love and presents under the tree.  However, this may not be a realistic version of the holidays for some people.  In fact, the holidays could be a trigger of anxiety and depression for many individuals who try to hide their pain during the holiday season for fear of being called a "Scrooge".  Trying to explain your pain to others often leaves them baffled as to how you could hate Christmas.  As you may enjoy listening to the sounds of Christmas music to get you in the Christmas spirit, there are others that experience a panic attack at just the sound of christmas music.  This does not make them a Scrooge or a Christmas hater, but it does take some understanding.  You see, those songs that get you in the spirit could also be a reminder to another person of their inability to buy Christmas presents for their children this year.  Another individual may be experiencing grief and is trying to figure out how to get through the first Christmas without their loved one.  Perhaps someone lost a loved one during the holiday season and the holiday only serves as a reminder of the anniversary of their loved one's death and their hurt and pain.  Maybe this individual recently got divorced and as they sort through their shattered hopes and dreams, they also find themselves all alone for the holidays.  Another individual may have grown up in an abusive and dysfunctional family and family gatherings only magnify the issues and causes more pain each year.  Before you pass judgement on another person's holiday spirit or lack thereof, try to take a minute and understand what walk of life they are coming from.  The holidays are full of hustle and bustle and everyone is so busy, but are you too busy to reach out to those who are hurting during the holiday season?  Perhaps you could send them a card just to let them know you are thinking of them and that they are not alone, make arrangements to meet up with them for a hot cup of coffee and just be there to listen to them, invite them to join you for the holidays, surprise them with a gift card.

     To those individuals suffering through the holidays please know that it is okay.  It is okay for you to feel sad during this time of year.  it is okay to not feel in the Christmas spirit.  Do what you can to get through the holidays.  If that means putting up a small tree instead of a big..then do it.  If that means avoiding Christmas music or movies…then do it.  If that means changing things and creating new traditions…then do it.  Create realistic expectations for yourself and do not measure yourself according to everyone else's unrealistic expectations.  Sometimes reaching out to others can hep you feel better so look for opportunities where you can feel useful and helpful like helping out in a soup kitchen, visit a lonely person in a nursing home, or write notes to soldiers over seas unable to spend Christmas with their families.  Please know that it is okay and you will survive this season of life.  Don't hesitate to reach out to a friend or counselor if you need someone to walk with you through this season.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Counselor,

Lynn Leinhos, MS, LLOC

Understanding Anxiety

     Anxiety is one of the most common reasons individuals seek counseling.  The national Institute of Mental Health (NIHM) estimates that 18.1 percent of adults suffer from anxiety in the United States.  That is 40 million people suffering from anxiety severe enough to be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.  Most people don't realize how prevalent anxiety is as it is one of the "quiet" disorders.  It can be a relief to those suffering from anxiety that their symptoms are not noticeable to those around them.  however, when your symptoms are not visible to others, they find it difficult to understand that you are actually suffering because they cannot see it.
     So, what is it like to suffer from anxiety?  A few years ago I was watching a movie, (Breaking Dawn, please don't judge me based on this…) and a clip form the movie always struck out to me that has a strong resemblance to suffering form anxiety.  In the movie, one of the main characters, Bella, is turning into a vampire (no I am not comparing anxiety to being a vampire or a demon) and according to the story line this is an extremely painful process.  Many of the characters feared she was dead as she laid there for days in a coma like state when she should have been writhing in pain.  The movie switched from this peaceful picture of her lying there to the internal torment and pain she was actually experiencing.  One moment we see her lying peacefully, then the next moment we see her internally screaming and writhing in pain.  THIS is anxiety…where an individual may appear calm and collective on the outside when they are experiencing extreme turmoil internally.  For an example, an individual with an anxiety disorder walks into a party and appears tone like everyone else.  However, what you do not see or notice is that the individual's heart rate has accelerated to the point of feeling as though they are suffering from a heart attack, their breathing is shallow as they are experiencing shortness of breath. They are trying to calm their anxiety but instead their head is screaming, "Why did you come here?  You don't know anyone!  Everyone will notice that you came alone and think you are undateable.  How are you going to talk to people, you don't have anything important to say?  Everyone is looking at me!  Why did I wear this shirt?  What is no one talks to me?  What if no one likes me?"  And all of this takes place within the first five seconds of walking through the door before you even notice them.  The thought process carries on the same way throughout the rest of the evening only increasing the heart rate and they may experience sweaty palms, urgency to move around as the anxiety energy is building up and trying to find a way out.  They go through the evening feeling like an elephant is sitting on their chest.  Why?   Because they suffer from anxiety and this happens nearly everyday no matter where they go and life doesn't stop because you have anxiety.
     How is anxiety treated?  From a therapeutic perspective, the triggers of your anxiety will need to be identified as well as any negative self talk that contributes to your anxiety.  Working with a therapist to stop the negative thought process and replace them with positive thoughts can be of great help in reducing anxiety.  Learning different relaxation techniques and deep breathing can help, especially when the anxiety is heightened.  Work on being present with full body awareness to bring your mind and thoughts to what you can physically feel, see, smell, hear, and taste right now.  If your anxiety is so overwhelming that you feel as though you are unable to function, you can talk with your doctor as anxiety can also be treated with medication until your anxiety is under control enough to work on the coping skills.
     If you have any further thoughts, questions, or comments, please direct them to me at lynnleinhos@gmail.com and I will be glad to help.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Counselor,

Lynn Leinhos, MS, LLPC

The Traveling Counselor

     So I find myself at avery interesting point in my career….I have my degree (check), I have my license (check), I have clients (check), but I do not currently have an office.  So how does a counselor go about counseling without a place to do so?  I am what I consider to be a traveling counselor who makes home visits.  I come to you!  You get to sit in the comfort of your own home and have a licensed counselor come to you.  Can't find a sitter to leave the house to make it to a counseling appointment?  No problem, schedule it during nap time and you don't even have to leave!  Don't have a car?  No problem, schedule an appointment and I come to you!  Many people, especially busy moms with several children, enjoy the option of not having to bring all of their children to an appointment and left sitting in the waiting room trying to entertain the rest of the children while one is in session.
    The use of technology has opened up the world of communication in so many areas, but especially in the field of Counseling.  There are not programs that allow you to talk with a counselor from your own home through your computer!  Counseling is now available at your finger tips.
     Several individuals have asked where I am located and how to get a hold of me.  I am in Utica, Michigan and I service Oakland and Macomb counties.  I am also available to do counseling over the web.  If you have any questions or want to know more about what I do please contact me at lynnleinhos@gmail.com

Your Friendly Neighborhood Counselor,

Lynn Leinhos, MS, LLPC

Understanding Depression

     Many people view depression as just being sad and something you can just snap out of.  I mean how many times has an individual who is struggling with a real illness of Depression heard, "Just snap out of it and be happy; you'll feel better."?  That is advice coming form someone who has not been in the depths and pit of despair that Depression takes you.  Yes, it starts out as sadness but then it becomes and overwhelming emotion that just takes over.  Picture this with me if you will, a suitcase.  This suitcase contains your thoughts and emotions.  As you release or express them, they leave the suitcase.  Your suitcase can be filled with various emotions at the same time and sometimes emotes can stay in the suitcase for long periods of time.  Now imagine that this suitcase starts out with a little bit of sadness.  the individual carrying this suitcase tries to release the suitcase by crying…it helps but the sadness returns and the individual cannot go around crying all day while at work or grocery shopping or at the play date.  This individual may find release in confiding in a friend but then thoughts of I can't burden my friends with this all the time.  If I talk about my problems and sadness all the time no one will want to talk to me.  So the sadness begins to build inside the suitcase.  After awhile, sadness has taken up such a strong residence inside the suitcase that there's not room for anything else.  And the suitcase is getting heavy!  You feel exhausted from carrying around this suitcase full of sadness everywhere you go.  Each day more sadness gets added to it.  You want to do the things you enjoyed, but you don't want to have to bring your suitcase along so you don't.  Eventually the suitcase is overflowing and you have to sit on it to contain its contents of sadness.  When you are out in public or out with friends you don't want to bring everyone else down so you stifle the suitcase with all your might and you spend the entire evening keeping the suitcase contained.  Friends ask, "How are you doing?" and all you want to do is scream, "I'm horrible!  I can't carry this load anymore!  I'm exhausted!  I sleep all the time so i don't understand why I'm exhausted.  I'm so sad I don't know what to do with myself!" but you can't say that so you respond with, "Good, how are you doing?"  When you finally get home you are so exhausted from stifling the suitcase and keeping it closed all evening you just crawl into bed.  The next time you are invited out you decline because it is so exhausting trying to keep the suitcase shut..after all you have been stifling the suitcase closed all day at work.  You just want to go home and let the suitcase lay open on the floor.  There lies your depression…sleeping all day, not eating, not doing the things you once enjoyed, isolating yourself from others.  It's not so easy to just snap out of because at this point it feel bigger than you.  Sometimes you may not even know how to exist without it.  Depression has plagued you for so long you can't even remember what happy feels like; you remember how to fake being happy when you are around others, but it has been a long time since you have actually felt joy.
     Depression is a pit of overwhelming sadness that doesn't just go away.  When an individual is depressed they need a life line, a ladder to get out of that pit.  Sometimes life circumstances can throw us in the pit of depression and as those circumstances work out the depression fades away.  Other times it is more serious and takes a team to help the individual out of the pit.  Sometimes Depression can be overlooked as the symptoms can contradict each other…for example a symptom of Depression is sleeping too much or too little; eating too much or too little.  Other symptoms of Depression to watch for are isolation, feeling sad all day most days of the week, not finding enjoyment in things you once enjoyed, irritability, lack of motivation, inability to focus, thoughts of death.  These symptoms are all contained in the suitcase and the individual may be able to hide them for awhile, but eventually the suitcase becomes more than the person can bear alone.  If you or someone you know is experiencing these symptoms, let them know that it's ok to open the suitcase and to let someone else help carry the load.  Reach out to a friend or seek help from a professional counselor.  We are here to walk with you through this journey, to climb into the pit with you and help you figure out how to get out, to help you empty the suitcase to make room for other emotions..pleasant ones.  Don't let the suitcase keep you from reaching out for help today.

To anyone struggling with Depression and is unsure of what to do to find help feel free to contact me at lynnleinhos@gmail.com  You are not alone!

Your Friendly Neighborhood Counselor,

Lynn Leinhos, MS, LLPC

What to Expect…First Session for Children

     Many parents find themselves struggling between how to handle their child's behavior issues and how/when to seek professional help.  Many worries keep parents from seeking professional help such as: I don't want my child labeled.  I don't want my child medicated.  I don't want the school to treat my child different.  I don't want to be left out of the healing process.  These are all legitimate concerns and I'm here to help address those concerns.  (On a side note: An entire blog will be written about when to seek professional help for your child so that topic will not be addressed here at this time.)
     When you schedule an appointment for your child within the age range of 4 years -10 years old you will attend the first session by yourself.  This will give us the opportunity to go over the Intake Form together.  Sometimes parents do not feel as though they are able to freely discuss their concerns about their child's behavior in front of their child.  The Intake Form should be filled out prior to the first session and the counselor will go over that with you.  information you can expect to see on the Intake Form is your child's name, address, and birthdate; along wit parents' names and phone numbers; current living conditions, and description of home environment.  The Intake Form will also address the reason you are seeking counseling for your child, goals for the counseling process for your child, and any physical or emotional changes you have noticed in your child.  This helps the counselor be able to make a thorough  diagnosis and treatment plan.  The Intake Form will also ask about things your child likes and dislikes especially regarding school and hobbies or interests.  This information helps the counselor to relate to your child at their level to help establish trust.  The Intake Form will ask about any recent changes that has occurred in your child's life.  Change causes stress even if the changes are positive.  As a counselor, I like to look at all possible explanations for a child's behavior rather than just place a label on it.  My job is to get to the underlying problem causing the behavior issues so that the problem itself can be resolved.
     The second session is when I would meet with your child.  Every session begins the same, I pull out my emotion eggs (which are Easter eggs with various feelings) and ask the child to pick the egg that shows how they are feeling.  Next I will ask your child to draw a picture of their family.  This offers insight into the child's perspective of their own family.  Then I play a modified version of Connect Four with your child.  Each playing piece of Connect Four has a sticker displaying various emotions and the child picks the piece according to answer the question.  After a few rounds of Connect Four, I pull out a book that displays children expressing a variety of emotions.  As we look through the book, I ask your child to identify what emotions the child in the picture is experiencing and why.  This task gives me insight into your child's emotional vocabulary as well as offer explanations for why they may feel some of those emotions.  Children are very egocentric by nature  and as they are explaining why a child in a picture is sad, they are also giving an explanation of what makes them sad.  After going through the book, I pull out the emotion eggs again and ask your child to show me how they are feeling now at the end of session.  As they choose an egg, they are able to keep the eraser and sticker hidden inside the egg as a reward for a job well done.  Doing this at the beginning and end helps me to see if any topic during session has stirred up any emotional response.  After my time with your child is complete, I invite the parent(s) to come back.  I offer the child the opportunity to share with their parents what he/she did in session.
     I am very family-based in my approach to working with children.  I do not believe that it is my job to "fix" your child and send you on your way.  Rather I see myself as a guide to walk with you and your child on this life journey.  I do not view children as broken and in need of being fixed but rather hurting and in need of healing.  I work with your child for about 45 minutes a week while you are with your child the rest of the time.  My job is to work with you to offer solutions to make life more livable for everyone.  Confidentiality still remains as I work with children and needs to be enforced to establish trust with your child.  You will be notified and confidentiality will be broken if your child expresses a plan to hurt himself/herself or another person or if abuse is revealed.  When a diagnosis is made, it stays within the clinical notes and is used only to develop a treatment plan.  As far as medication is concerned, I am not able to prescribe medication.  I believe that there are times when medication is beneficial but i think all other options should be exhausted before considering medication.
    When I work with children who are over the age of 10 years old, I include them in the first session unless the parent suggests otherwise.  After the initial session, I work with the child using games that are more fitted to their age.  Treating older children as though they are younger than they are will not build the trust needed in order to establish a therapeutic relationship with them.  However, many of the ideals of Play Therapy works just as well, it's just a matter of finding the right games within the age group of the child you are working with.  As I work with older children, I also include parents in the healing process and offer techniques and tools your child and I may be working on in session so the parents can implement them at home to further help them develop the coping skills needed to overcome their struggles.
     I find it a privilege to work with children and as a parent I understand the feeling of helplessness while watching your child struggle and not know how to help.   I offer my help to provide hope to both you and your child.

The First Session….What To Expect

     Anxiety is one of the most common reasons individuals seek counseling, however, anxiety is also one the main reasons individuals do not seek counseling.  Most people who have ever sought out counseling or have even thought about seeking counseling understand the anxiety that comes with preparing for the first session.  Most of the anxiety about the first session is not knowing what the expect.  My expectation is to give you a bit of an idea of what to expect from the perspective of a counselor.

     You will be asked to fill out a form prior to your first session.  This form is typically called an "Intake Form".  During your first session, the counselor will go over the form with you.  The counselor may ask you to expound on some of your answers, this does not mean that you didn't answer correctly or completely.  The counselor will do this to try and gain a better understanding of what your answers mean to you.  For example, if asked "What is your goal for counseling?" and you answer, "to be happy" happiness to the counselor may be different than how you would define happiness.  So in order for the counselor to help you meet your goals, he or she will need to understand those goals from your perspective.  

     So what kind of questions can you expect to find on the Intake Form?  The Intake Form will ask for basic information about yourself including name, address, phone number, email, birthdate, and marital status.  Then the questions begin to focus on the reasons why you are seeking counseling, what symptoms you are experiencing both physically and emotionally, as well as your goals for counseling.  Then the questions ask about your current living situation, who lives in your home, how would you describe the environment of your home, and hobbies you enjoy.  Then the questions reflect on your past asking about any siblings, your parents' marital status, any history of abuse (physical, mental, emotional, sexual), previous counseling experience and whether it was a positive or negative experience and what you were being treated for.

     The counselor will have you sign a consent for treat form which is basically you agreeing to receive counseling as it unethical for counselors to counsel an individual without consent.  Then the counselor will go over the limitations of confidentiality.  A counselor is bound by law to maintain what you say in session in complete confidentiality unless you reveal a plan to hurt yourself or someone else.  A counselor is also required by law to report any abuse of a minor.  If an individual is seeking counseling ordered by the court, then the counselor is legally required to report back to the court.

     During your first session, the counselor us using the information your provided on the Intake Form to get to know you and gain a clear understanding of what you are struggling with.  The counselor is going to assess your symptoms in order to determine the best treatment for you.  Several diagnosis of emotional disorders can share symptoms so the counselor will ask questions about your symptoms in order to make a correct diagnosis.  That word, "diagnosis" is another trigger of anxiety that keeps individuals form seeking counseling.  A correct diagnosis helps a counselor develop the best and most beneficial treatment plan for you.  The diagnosis is not a tattoo placed on your forehead for all to see and will not become public knowledge unless you decide to share it with others.  Remember, your counselor is bound by the laws of confidentiality and uses any information gathered from you to build  a treatment plan best for you.

     For your first session, be prepared to answer questions regarding the reasons why you decided to seek counseling.  A counselor will not force you to talk about anything that you are uncomfortable sharing.  The counselor will most likely be the one initiating the questions so the pressure is off of you.  The counselor will listen and perhaps jot down a few notes on your form to help remember important information.  The counselor is not judging you but rather is trying to gain a better understanding of who you are and what your struggles are.

     Some individuals are concerned that talking about their problems will cause them to feel worse.  This is a possibility but not a reason to forego counseling.  Opening up about your problems leaves you vulnerable which can be scar.  Healing can cause pain as past hurts are revisited but working through the hurt with a trained professional can lead to complete healing.  Whereas, not going to counseling because you are worried about the emotional pain it may open is a legitimate concern but consider the pain that it is causing you that has lead you to seek counseling in the first place.  Holding it in has not helped however experiencing some discomfort can lead to healing.  If this is a concern of yours, tell your counselor so that he or she may offer coping skills that can help you work through the symptoms of dealing with past hurts such as relaxation or journaling.  This knowledge will also help the counselor monitor your symptoms as move on through the healing process.

     Finding the right counselor for you is important as studies have revealed that the most beneficial tool in therapeutic healing is the counselor-client relationship.  If you do not feel comfortable with your counselor after a few sessions, it's ok to find another one that you are more comfortable with.  Committing to seeing a counselor does not mean you are committed to them forever.  Counselors are aware that the clients needs to feel comfortable in order for the relationship to work.

     I am hoping you find this information useful as you begin your journey to finding the right counselor for you.  best of luck in your healing journey!

Your Friendly Neighborhood Counselor,

Lynn Leinhos, MS, LLPC

Play Therapy

     I am a counselor who works with adults but specializes in children which means I get to utilize Play Therapy.  This often leads to many questions such as What is Play Therapy?  How does Play Therapy work?  So I'm paying you to play games with my child?
     Let me take a moment here and clarify some of these questions.  I have done extensive research on Play Therapy and its effectiveness.  Play is the universal language of children that not only allows children to have fun and communicate but can also provide therapeutic befits.  When a child is engaged in play, they feel more comfortable and their guard is down which allows them to open up more easily. Play Therapy offers children the opportunity to explore their emotions and problems at a distance which offers them a sense of safety from their struggles.
     I have done research on various techniques of Play Therapy as well as its effectiveness, however, I was not completely sold on its effectiveness until I saw it in action.  I was preparing my collection of Play Therapy games and decided I wanted to practice the skills before having the privilege of utilizing them in a session with a child client.  I pulled out my games and started playing them with my own children while paying specific attention to whether or not the questions were kid-friendly and relatable as well as how long a round takes.  I was ready to play and was not expecting any surprises as my boys and I have a very open communication.  The first few rounds with my oldest, who was about 6 years old at the time, went smooth and I was excited to use it in therapy sessions.  Next I played the game with my youngest who was about 4 years old.  As we played the game together, the question came up, "Show me how you feel when you are at school".  He chose the sad face with tears.  his response did not really shock me as he had been not wanting to go to school lately.  Whenever I questioned him about school and why he didn't want to go he would always respond with, "Because I want to be with you".  I told myself You're a counselor, you got this.  you can figure out what's going on.  He continued to struggle going to school but would give no other reason than him wanting to be with me.  I figured it a bit of separation anxiety.  As we continued to play the game, the next question was, "Why do you feel that way?"  My son continues on with the game like nothing as he explains to me that he is afraid that I am going to die while he is at school.  My heart sank!  I thought I had all the skills needed to figure out what was going on with my son and was asking all the right questions, but apparently I was not speaking his language…the language of PLAY.  You see, a few months prior to our game play, my grandmother had passed away which was a very difficult loss for me and one in which the boys remembered.  They asked questions and I answered as honestly as I could.  When they asked how she died, I explained that she was old and her body just stopped working.  Well, my young son had no concept of time and was fearful that while he was in school, I was going to get old and my body would stop working.  Play Therapy opened up a door for us that allowed my son the opportunity to express his fears as well as giving me the opportunity to see his concerns and offer him my support and comfort in those areas.  I was able to see first hand the effectiveness of Play Therapy in my own family.
     Throughout my time as a counselor, I have seen the effectiveness of Play Therapy on many children and I feel honored to be able to use the language of Play to offer hope and help to so many children.  Play Therapy is not just playing ages, but rather utilizing games as an open door for children to express themselves and their problems.  Children experience a variety of emotions but are too young to identify or express those emotions let alone understand them.  Play Therapy makes those emotions tangible for kids to see, to touch, to manipulate which then empowers them to be able to learn how to control their emotions rather than letting their emotions control them.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Counselor,

Lynn Leinhos, MS, LLPC

Who Am I?

     My name is Lynn Leinhos and I am a professional counselor devoted to helping others live the life they deserve to live free of emotional barriers.  I received my Bachelors degree in Elementary education at Concordia University Ann Arbor in 2003.  After spending a few years in the classroom, I saw so many young children struggling with issues that were far larger than they and saw how it impacted their achievements in the classroom.  One day as I sat with a second grader during recess time and listened to his struggles and hearing him tell me how he just wanted to die, I found myself longing to help him.  I did not just want to find him help, but I wanted to learn how to help him and children like him.  My passion for counseling was only further fueled in the continuing years in the classroom so I decided that it was time pursue a degree in Psychology which would allow me the tools to help those struggling with emotional problems.  I earned my Masters degree in Professional Psychology through Concordia University Wisconsin in 2013.
     Even though my years in the classroom helped fuel my passion for counseling, I enjoy offering help to both children and adults.  My counseling style is a holistic approach that can enrich the body, mind, emotional, and spiritual well-being of an individual.  I do not view my role as counselor as fixing people or their problems, but rather as someone who can walk alongside individuals on their life journey offering opportunities to create self-awareness, self-understanding, and self-improvement that brings lasting changes.  Talk therapy is an important tool for establishing a strong therapeutic alliance that allows for the exploration of the issues a person wants to work on.  I use a Cognitive Behavior Approach to assist individuals in exploring negative core beliefs and cognitive distortions in order to empower them to obtain a new perspective, gain personal insight and self-awareness of their thoughts.  when working with children, I offer the therapeutic benefits of Cognitive behavior therapy through the use of play therapy.
     Personally I am a Christian; professionally I am a counselor.  Sometimes the two overlap but only when a client asks for Christian guidance in therapy.  I do not assume that all individuals who seek help want to include spiritual intervention in counseling so the choice is up to the client.  Those who are interested in Christian based counseling, I do offer a Christ-centered therapeutic environment that combines Christian beliefs and values with therapeutic techniques to help the individual come to know the life God intended for them and to live it to the fullest.  I respect all individuals in all walks of life and those who do not hold the same religious beliefs will not be turned away nor will they be forced to receive Christian-based counseling.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Counselor,
Lynn Leinhos, MS, LLPC