Ready or not…the holidays are upon us. thanksgiving is over a week away and yet the stores have exploded with Christmas for weeks already. The idealistic holiday is full of happiness and family gatherings full of love and presents under the tree. However, this may not be a realistic version of the holidays for some people. In fact, the holidays could be a trigger of anxiety and depression for many individuals who try to hide their pain during the holiday season for fear of being called a "Scrooge". Trying to explain your pain to others often leaves them baffled as to how you could hate Christmas. As you may enjoy listening to the sounds of Christmas music to get you in the Christmas spirit, there are others that experience a panic attack at just the sound of christmas music. This does not make them a Scrooge or a Christmas hater, but it does take some understanding. You see, those songs that get you in the spirit could also be a reminder to another person of their inability to buy Christmas presents for their children this year. Another individual may be experiencing grief and is trying to figure out how to get through the first Christmas without their loved one. Perhaps someone lost a loved one during the holiday season and the holiday only serves as a reminder of the anniversary of their loved one's death and their hurt and pain. Maybe this individual recently got divorced and as they sort through their shattered hopes and dreams, they also find themselves all alone for the holidays. Another individual may have grown up in an abusive and dysfunctional family and family gatherings only magnify the issues and causes more pain each year. Before you pass judgement on another person's holiday spirit or lack thereof, try to take a minute and understand what walk of life they are coming from. The holidays are full of hustle and bustle and everyone is so busy, but are you too busy to reach out to those who are hurting during the holiday season? Perhaps you could send them a card just to let them know you are thinking of them and that they are not alone, make arrangements to meet up with them for a hot cup of coffee and just be there to listen to them, invite them to join you for the holidays, surprise them with a gift card.
To those individuals suffering through the holidays please know that it is okay. It is okay for you to feel sad during this time of year. it is okay to not feel in the Christmas spirit. Do what you can to get through the holidays. If that means putting up a small tree instead of a big..then do it. If that means avoiding Christmas music or movies…then do it. If that means changing things and creating new traditions…then do it. Create realistic expectations for yourself and do not measure yourself according to everyone else's unrealistic expectations. Sometimes reaching out to others can hep you feel better so look for opportunities where you can feel useful and helpful like helping out in a soup kitchen, visit a lonely person in a nursing home, or write notes to soldiers over seas unable to spend Christmas with their families. Please know that it is okay and you will survive this season of life. Don't hesitate to reach out to a friend or counselor if you need someone to walk with you through this season.
Your Friendly Neighborhood Counselor,
Lynn Leinhos, MS, LLOC
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