Anyone who
knows me, knows that I love babies! I am
the first person to ask to hold someone’s child as the feel of their tiny baby
in my arms and that sweet baby smell brings me back to when I first became a
mom. That moment was the best moment in
my life and every moment there after. I
absolutely loved everything about being a mom and caring for the sweet baby boy
God had blessed me with. Unfortunately,
motherhood doesn’t always go this way.
Yes, motherhood is messy but it is not meant to be traumatic. Motherhood is full of sweet baby smiles and
cuddly moments but also sleepless nights, crying, and lots of dirty
diapers. So how can you tell the
difference between regular motherhood struggles and post partum
depression? Many women experience what is referred to as the "baby blues" just a few weeks after giving birth where they experience mood swings and cries very easily. The "baby blues" can look similar to depression, however, they only last about two weeks, so if your symptoms persist, you may be dealing with postpartum depression. Taking a look at the
symptoms and what you are experiencing as new mom as well as looking at the
cause will help figure out if what you are struggling with is a normal part of
motherhood or postpartum depression. The onset of postpartum depression can begin anywhere within the first year of having a child and women can also experience a more susceptible period of getting postpartum depression when they wean from breastfeeding as the weaning process causes a shift in hormones as well.
Postpartum
depression has the same symptoms as depression…sleeping too much or too little,
loss of appetite or eating too much, loss of interest in things you once
enjoyed, feeling down or depressed most of the day, irritability, worry more,
feeling anxious, thoughts of hurting yourself or others. So let’s break this
down a bit, symptom by symptom. Are you
sleeping too much or too little? I know,
what new mom doesn’t sleep too little?
Well, is your lack of sleep due to getting up with the baby or is it
caused by the inability to fall asleep when you have the chance? When you lay down to fall asleep does worry
keep you up at night instead of the baby’s feedings? When you are able to get some sleep, do you
wake up feeling rested or just as tired as when you went to bed and you
anticipate looking for times to take a nap?
Not eating….have you missed a meal because you barely had the chance to
stop all day as you were taking care of your new baby or did you not eat
because you have no desire to eat with no appetite. Often new moms get so busy taking care of the
baby and the house that they forget to take care of themselves and can often
forget to eat a meal. Skipping a meal
because you are busy is not the same as losing your appetite. Sometimes
depression can disguise itself as the opposite and you eat too much. Many new moms, especially those who are
breastfeeding may experience a heightened appetite to account for the extra
calories they are burning off. Are you
eating more because you are hungry or are you trying to stuff down emotions you
don’t want to surface? Lack of
motivation…have you not taken a shower in a few days because you don’t care or
because your baby screams every time you set him down? House chores are not fun, but are a necessity
but can often be overlooked when adjusting to life with a newborn. Is housework being neglected because you have
no energy and motivation to do them or because you are tending to the needs of
your baby. Life changes when you enter
motherhood and sometimes your interests change, which is normal. Perhaps the friends you used to hang out with
but don’t have children of their own aren’t available to hang out as much; that
happens. Are you declining hanging out
with friends because you are not motivated to be around people and it doesn’t
seem like fun to you anymore? It is
normal to keep your newborn baby away from lots of people when he or she is
first born to protect from illnesses, so declining a chance to see friends on
account of protecting your child is normal.
However, declining because you have no interest in being around others
is a warning sign. Isolation can be a dangerous
outlet for a new mother as she is on maternity leave and left home alone with a
newborn and not around a lot of people.
Perhaps you enjoyed partying at the bar but now you seek more child
friendly atmospheres to enjoy now that you are a mom, this just means that your
interests are changing, not that you are losing interest in things you once
enjoyed.
Worry is
very much a part of motherhood as we are always trying to figure out if our
child is happy and healthy and finding ways to keep them that way. As a new mom you worry about if your child is
eating enough, going to the bathroom enough, growing enough, do you vaccinate
your child or not, do you take your child shopping and expose them to germs, if
your child is sleeping enough or too much, you worry about SIDS. These are all normal worries and concerns of
motherhood. When these concerns keep you
awake at night, then they are becoming more obsessions than worry and can be a
red flag for concern. Many new moms have
fears of their child dying because this is the first time you have loved
someone to this extent and you can no longer imagine life without them. Moms make have thoughts and fears of their
child drowning in the tub or dying in a car accident, even though these
thoughts are unpleasant, they can easily be shaken off and the mom can move
on. If your fears are stronger and you
are unable to shake them off and the fears keep you from functioning normally,
then that’s a red flag that something more is going on.
Sometimes
we have life pictured so differently in our heads, like the birth plan for
delivering your first child but things did not go as planned and you experience
sadness about that, that’s ok. However,
if the sadness prevents you from bonding with your child or enjoying
motherhood, then that’s a red flag.
Perhaps, even motherhood is not what you expected as your child may have
medical problems or is colicky or you just weren’t exactly prepared for the
extent of caring for a newborn. This is
a time period of adjustment and that’s normal.
If your response to these unmet expectations causes you to feel
depressed or sad most of the day and causes increased anxiety that you cannot
find relief from then that can be a red flag as well. Perhaps your delivery was traumatic and you
are left with horrible memories of what was suppose to be one of the most
wonderful moments of your life. If the
memories of the traumatic birth cause increased anxiety or keeps you from
bonding with your child, then that’s a red flag as well. Also if you have nightmares or flashbacks of
the traumatic experience then you may be faced with something more serious such
as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and seeking help from a professional
would be very beneficial.
Motherhood
is a wonderful adventure that is meant to be enjoyed, not suffered through, but
it is a part of life that is full of ups and downs. Life changes, along with hormone changes,
make a woman more susceptible to depression after the birth of a child. This does not make you a bad mother or a
failure, but it makes you human. Knowing
the warning signs of depression and the reasoning behind the symptoms you are
experiencing can help you figure out if it is time to seek help so that you can
enjoy motherhood to the fullest.
Your Friendly Neighborhood Counselor,
Lynn Leinhos, MS, LLPC
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