It's OK To Not Be OK

            I was listening to the radio the other day when the first line of a song struck a chord within me.  The song, Exhale by Plumb starts off, “It’s OK to not to be OK.”  I think that sometimes we feel as thought it’s not okay to experience the emotions that occur during our struggles.  In fact, I think most individuals are more willing to accept their struggles than their feelings.  The world has become more aware of varying emotional struggles in regards to depression and anxiety, however, individuals still fear a stigma surrounding a diagnosis so they work hard to disguise their emotional struggles which only makes it worse.  Let me also clarify that “It’s OK to not be OK” is not saying that mental disorders are not serous and should not be treated.  Instead, what I am saying is that sometimes the road we are on has many bumps and valleys that can cause us to feel down in the dumps and part of the healing that we need is not to go around pretending to be OK when we aren’t, but we need to be honest. 

            On a personal note, I can recall a time when I was grieving the loss of my grandmother and I attending an event and every time I was greeted with, “Hi, how are you?” I responded with, “Hi, I’m good.  How are you?”  That is until a friend approached me and knew about my loss and asked how I was doing.  I looked at her and said, “I’m struggling.  This grief is really hard and I miss her.”  After I said that, I felt a huge sense of relief like a weight had been lifted form me.  It felt so good to be honest about how I was feeling to someone!  I’m not recommending that you tell every person you come in contact with about all of your feelings and all of your problems, but it’s ok if you’re not ok.  It’s ok to respond with, “I’m having a hard day.”  Perhaps there is one person, a friend perhaps, whom you can be honest with about how you are feeling.  Lately in our culture the phrase, “How are you?” gets automatically attached to “Hi” that they have become a greeting rather than an actual inquiry about each other.  We say, “Hi, how are you?” and then continue on our way before the person even has the chance to offer an answer.  Individuals are left feeling as though the person asking doesn’t really care and that they don’t want to burden them with their troubles.  We are often left to feel as though we can’t say “I’m not doing good,” which then leads individuals to think that it’s not ok to feel this way which only causes them to sink deeper in their sadness or grief or anxiety or isolation.  It is OK to experience the emotions that you are faced with.  It is OK to open up and tell someone how you are actually doing instead of pretending.  It is Ok to reach out for help. 

            I encourage you to find someone whom you can be honest with about your feelings so you do not need to struggle alone.  If you have no one, please contact me, or a local counselor, to help walk you through this struggle.  Also, I encourage you all that the next time you ask someone, “How are you?” to pause long enough to hear their answer and you can reassure them that it’s OK to not be OK if they are not “fine”.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Counselor,

Lynn Leinhos, MS, LLPC